when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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