The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
