so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
