therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
