Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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