I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
