You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
