She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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