I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
