JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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