...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
