i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
