you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
