Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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