He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
