Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I skipped work to stalk him.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
