I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize