some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
