Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i think my cat just said my name.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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