did you get engaged???
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
