If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we're so committed to being not committed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
