This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.