Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!