I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.