Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.