Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
