I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...