the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.