so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
