ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
