Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
