Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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