at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
