Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
