It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
