the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
