I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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