I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
