fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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