and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
