Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
