I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
