I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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