so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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