So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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