My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize