Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
