At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.