Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4574) Bad night (79678) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

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  (561): It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out. http://tfl.nu/g5y4
  Replies (14) Good night (578) Bad night (6218) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  this boner is exhausting

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  (207): this boner is exhausting http://tfl.nu/qxdc
  Replies (26) Good night (4129) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

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  (724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo
  Replies (12) Good night (685) Bad night (4121) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5627) Bad night (656)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

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  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (18) Good night (5173) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.

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  (647): We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda. http://tfl.nu/2f76
  Replies (8) Good night (3921) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized

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  (360): I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized http://tfl.nu/nze6
  Replies (16) Good night (2045) Bad night (3216) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.

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  (613): I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while. http://tfl.nu/jj3x
  Replies (5) Good night (2070) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.

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  (954): Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body. http://tfl.nu/z8oj
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (2064) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".

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  (306): you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue". http://tfl.nu/bqgp
  Replies (6) Good night (2431) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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  (206): But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness. http://tfl.nu/0ech
  Replies (15) Good night (2828) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.

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  (310): I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/mh99
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.

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  (352): Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life. http://tfl.nu/37e0
  Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down

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  (906): I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down http://tfl.nu/5qer
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt

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