I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media