Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me