sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
