HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
