just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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