those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
