idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
