Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
