we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
