You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
