they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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