Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
