I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
