it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
