I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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