my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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