Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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