I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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