Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
