we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
