that's an acceptable place to lick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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