you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Congratulations! We have a period
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