i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
