Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
