One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
