By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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