College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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