I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
