One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
