I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
